Sunday, July 27, 2014

Off into the breach...

Found an apartment, moved in, set up household, looked at booklist.

Nervous, excited, apprehensive, happy.

Will I be the weird old one? Will I make friends? Will this be fun? Will I be able to do this? Will I miss my family so much that it's distracting? Will people actually come to visit? Will my son get along with life at home without me?

So many feels.

I had three weeks between leaving my job in the ER (which was amazing, by the way, and deserves it's own special post once I've had time to cogitate properly) and starting medical school. I had minor plans to move house, go on vacation with my mates, and spend some quality time with my family.

And now it's the start of the last week of that time. It seems like I don't know where the time went. And it seems like I don't know how to best, or more appropriately, spend my last week of freedom.

I've had some great times with friends. Friends that have shown me how much I mean to them, and how much they are going to miss me. It's a good thing to be loved by so many wonderful people. But it's hard to be present in the moment when everyone is telling you all these things, because really feeling that moment would involve being all sappy and emotional. And that's hard to do for three weeks.

It's a long goodbye, and I've never been good at those.

I'm trying to get on the other side of this - to see those moments that come after, the weekends together, the vacations, the holidays, the moments in the apartment studying where it seems perfectly natural and normal. I'm trying to envision my new life as I separate myself from my old.

Everything changes after this moment. There will be things that continue, relationships that go on, hobbies that still get attended... but this life changing experience will be nothing short of that. To be anything other than a bundle of confusing feelings seems like a failure to understand the gravity of the situation.

I'm mostly excited to come back to this moment, years from now, and reflect on how all my worrying was for naught, and that this was the start of my greatest adventure.